A/N: My English class is strange. We write Modern Cantebury Tales, discuss pigboys and Beowulf, play Shakespearean Charades, and, most recently, write fanfiction for The Tempest. It’s actually quite educational, but still absolutely ridiculous (I dare you to find any other high schoolers tasked with writing fanfiction as a school assignment). The literary artworks that arose from the tale include: multiple perspectives of a fish, the diary of a forest, and (Conspiracy theory ahoy; ILLUMINATI CONFIRMED?!) Ariel is Sycorax. What follows is my (far less mad) fanfiction, written in a week.
Act 5 Scene 1, a revised ending
(In which the shipmaster dies but, honestly? No one really cares about him.)
GONZALO
Enter Ariel, with the Boatswain amazedly following.
O, look, sir, look, sir, here is more of us.
I prophesied if a gallows were on land,
This fellow could not drown. Now, blasphemy,
That swear’st grace o’erboard, not an oath on shore?
Hast thou no mouth by land? What is the news?
BOATSWAIN
The best news is that we have safely found
Our king and company. The next: our ship,
Which, but three glasses since, we gave out split,
Is tight and yare and bravely rigged as when
We first put out to sea.
ARIEL, ⎡aside to Prospero⎤ Sir, all this service
Have I done since I went.
PROSPERO, ⎡aside to Ariel⎤ My tricksy spirit!
BOATSWAIN
The worst news is the master, goodly man
And friendly soul, kind to a fault and e’er
A poker champ—
PROSPERO What of he?
BOATSWAIN Fell o’erboard
Midst the storm.
MIRANDA ⎡aside to Prospero, eyes widening⎤ Father?
PROSPERO, ⎡aside to Ariel, ignoring Miranda, fury glowing in his eyes⎤ You trickster spirit!
ARIEL, ⎡aside to Prospero⎤
Nay, sir! I knew not of such a fall of
Any man: boatswain or master or king
Of Alonso, were one and all protected.
He liest! He must!
PROSPERO, ⎡aside to Ariel⎤ Thou malignant devil!
I ought, as Sycorax did, confine thee
In a cloven pine—nay, an obese oak!
Her wisdom is such I only now know:
Better confine than allow free reign to
A traitorous, thankless thing, forgetful
Of all I’ve given, of the prison I
Did free it from when first we met—
ARIEL, ⎡aside to Prospero⎤ Please, sir!
PROSPERO ⎡roaring⎤
If freedom is what thee wish, then freedom
I so swear, is what thee’ll never receive.
Ariel, Miranda, Alonso, Antonio, Sebastian, Gonzalo, etc. stare at Prospero in shock.
ANTONIO ⎡whispering⎤ Doth my ears betray me?
SEBASTIAN ⎡whispering⎤ I heard him too.
MIRANDA
He means it not! My father has always
Been kind and forthright, and taught me the ways
Of the world beyond. He knows the feel of
Imprisonment, for on this island we
Have been so for years. He would ne’er refuse
That gift of freedom to a single being,
Whether peerless angel or Caliban.
GONZALO Thy word I trust for his good I believe.
Ariel, absolutely furious at this pronouncement and fed up with Prospero, lifts his invisibility.
Miranda, Alonso, Antonio, etc. stare at the glowing silver spirit in shock.
ARIEL
Ha! Ha! Ha ha! Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Goodness, thou say. Kind, forthright!
Such words I’ve ne’er known Prospero to be,
That man who threatens a woody prison
Whence first we met with his every gesture.
MIRANDA
Who are thou, spirit? What right have thou to speak
Of my father so blasphemously?
ARIEL
I? I am only he who cared for thee
When he could not stand your tears and your needs.
I? I am only he who brought in food
Whilst Prospero read and Caliban sulked
I! I have only been here all along
Thou do not know for he ordered it so.
Forthright, you say? He’s only hidden me
From all and sundry for twelve lonely years
As slave to order about as he will.
PROSPERO Silence! All of ye art inclined to sleep.
ARIEL ⎡laughing contemptuously⎤ You’re nothing ‘thout your magic stick, old man.
ANTONIO Magic?! Thou cannot mean—brother’s a witch?
ARIEL
‘Tis not just that: his magic created
The tempest!
ALONSO Prospero! Thou were trying to kill us!
PROSPERO No! No, never.
ANTONIO Then what was its meaning?
PROSPERO
I had not thought—‘twas spur of the moment—
I knew you were near: your boat, distinctive—
I wished to speak, just one last time, with you.
I needed to know wherefore thee did it:
Betray your brother, who’d only been kind.
Thou needed to know, how I had then felt
When I and my girl had thought we’d be dead,
Lost out at sea, in that watery grave,
‘Fore we landed upon our salvation,
We fell in a storm that could just rival
The waters ‘twixt Scylla and Charybdis.
Perchance it was not what I should have done,
But I cannot regret my rashly act,
For it gave us this ending with you now.
BOATSWAIN What of the master? What of his ending?
PROSPERO
Of all that has happened these past few days,
That mistake I’ll lament for all my life.
My orders for Ariel were simple
Yet still, he bungled this easiest task.
I should have known, as he’s only a spirit,
That I could not place great expectations
‘Pon he, who knows little, understands less.
That great fault shall lay upon my shoulders
Forevermore.
ANTONIO You cannot allow this
Guilt of yours, a place upon your shoulders,
For how can any blame a master for
Great faith in an undeserving servant?
I forgive thee, brother, as you forgave
I for my indiscretion.
ALONSO As do I.
ARIEL ⎡puffing up with fury⎤
Ye fools! His manipulation you can
Not see though it dances before you clear
As the dew that collects below the sea!
ANTONIO Quiet, spirit. Thy superiors are speaking.
ARIEL As if ye skin-bags are my superiors!
PROSPERO How dareth thou speak to your master thus!
ALONSO How dareth thou speak to Naples’ king thus!
ANTONIO ⎡drawing his sword⎤ Take that! And that! And—
ARIEL
Thou art not my master nor thou my king.
This betrayal I’ll remember fore’er
So ‘ware: when I return from vacation,
You shall not have even a moment’s peace.
Ariel vanishes.
FERDINAND Checkmate!
Ferdinand looks up from the chessboard in confusion when Miranda doesn’t make a move.
FERDINAND Miranda, darling, your move.
END SCENE
Act 6 Scene 1
(In which Miranda is torn over her happiness with Ferdinand because she thinks her happiness is built on manipulation and the death of some poor master who likes poker. And then they all jump overboard because why the heck not?)
Enter Miranda and Ferdinand, giggling, onto the deck at night. The sea is smooth, they are alone, the sky is clear, the stars are atwinkle, and it’s a peaceful and romantic scene.
FERDINAND
Dear Myranda, admired Miranda!
Flower of my heart, pearl of my eye,
Most beautiful of women the longer
I doth know thee.
MIRANDA
Oh, oh, oh, Ferdinand.
No man have I e’er met the like of thee.
My love, my heart doth dance from your mere glance.
FERDINAND
My soul ‘twas turmoil ‘til you did arrive
And calmed the storm I’d not known ‘til ‘twas gone.
Miranda bursts into tears.
FERDINAND Miranda!
FERDINAND, ⎡aside⎤
Though I don’t know wherefore my lady’s mood
Art dark as the storm that brought me to her
That knowledge art unnecessary for
Me to know what I need do. I cannot
Bear this misery in this kindest soul.
A slave to her heart, her wishes, am I
For I shalt do all she asks if only
She would bestow that divine smile on me.
Just as I gave up that chess game of ours
(Though clear as the sky it was that I’d win)
Because she only wished to stop.
FERDINAND Miranda, what woes thee?
MIRANDA Oh, Ferdinand. I cannot bear the thought!
FERDINAND Pray tell: I wish to help.
MIRANDA
How can I feel joyful while he lies dead
Under the sea, coral bones and pearl eyes—
Joy because he’s dead, for we would ne’er be
Together if the storm—the storm! The storm!
Miranda’s tears increase tenfold.
FERDINAND, ⎡aside⎤
Oh, noes. I understand her misery:
She must be mourning her prior boyfriend!
MIRANDA
I know, as shipmaster he must have known
The dangers of the great treacherous sea
And yet! And yet he must have loved ones still,
A mother and a father and a girl
Who waits, and will e’ermore, for his return!
FERDINAND, ⎡aside⎤
She loved him! Oh she loves him, and she waits
For a dead man to return to her arms!
MIRANDA
He was kind, I’m sure, perfectly goodly:
A ray of sunlight for all who he knew.
He must’ve been invited to all the games
As he, I’m told, was a great poker champ.
FERDINAND, ⎡aside⎤
Woe is I! To compete with a soul of
Such perfect goodness! How can I compare
To a man of poker?
MIRANDA
How cruel must I be to feel joy as such
In the wake of his death!
FERDINAND, ⎡aside⎤
How cruel must I be to wed Miranda
Whilst she was in the midst of mourning him?
Dressing her in white and silk, veil and dress,
When she ought to be garbed in black and rags?
MIRANDA Cruel indeed, heartless indeed, I must be!
FERDINAND, ⎡aside⎤
But certainly ‘tis no fault of my dear,
‘Twas my fault for taking advantage when
I first met the angel those hours ago.
I cannot allow her guilt to persist.
FERDINAND
Miranda, my love, do now lift thy guilt:
He certainly would’ve wished joy on thee.
Though he may not be with you in person
I’m certain his spirit would wish thee well.
MIRANDA Spirit! What care have I for that Ariel?
FERDINAND, ⎡aside⎤ Who?
MIRANDA None, I tell you: he’s gone and he can rot!
With a thunderclap, dark clouds suddenly roll in and Ariel’s voice booms into the silent night. Ariel is invisible—or possibly, he is everywhere, surrounding them.
ARIEL Gone, you say? Gone, am I?
Miranda screams for ten beats.
ARIEL
I’m back for my revenge, which I had thought
I might spare you, for you were a cute babe.
But since you say that I can rot…
MIRANDA You killed a man!
ARIEL Your darling father killed a man!
MIRANDA No he didn’t!
ARIEL Yeah he did!
MIRANDA No he didn’t!
ARIEL Yeah he did!
MIRANDA No he didn’t!
FERDINAND I did it!
A silence for five beats.
MIRANDA What?
FERDINAND, ⎡shrugging⎤ I wanted to join in the shouting match.
ARIEL These matters concern thee not, little prince.
MIRANDA The matter stands: you killed the shipmaster.
ARIEL Do I need remind ‘twas under orders?
MIRANDA My father ordered no harm come to them.
ARIEL And yet he still did order the tempest.
MIRANDA Can thou blame the master for the slave’s work?
ARIEL That’s it: I shall not spare thee after all!
A boom rings out and the storm pours down upon them in torrents.
Prospero, Alonso, Antonio, Sebastian, Gonzalo, etc. rush onto the deck.
PROSPERO What is it?
ARIEL
I do hope you’ve had a good sleep, old man!
You’ll certainly need it.
PROSPERO Devil spirit!
ALONSO Shipmaster!
MIRANDA He’s dead!
ALONSO Boatswain!
Enter Boatswain.
BOATSWAIN
Here, sir. Heigh, all! Take in the topsail. Tend
The whistle. Blow till thou do burst thy wind,
Yare, yare!…Go below, you’ll mar our labor.
ANTONIO What devil weather possesses us now?
PROSPERO
‘Twas that spirit! The traitor, Ariel!
There’s an island nearby, one league over:
We’re far likelier to survive that swim
Than this ride.
Prospero jumps overboard.
ALONSO Is the man insane?
MIRANDA, ⎡slightly dubious⎤ My father’s reasons are usually good.
Thunder crackles again. Lightning streaks down and strikes the mast, somehow burning it to a crisp despite the wild rain.
GONZALO
Perchance the storm may cover only here
If the devil’s target’s truly the ship.
ANTONIO I cannot abandon my brother ‘gain.
ALONSO That is a good point.
MIRANDA Well? Aren’t you jumping?
Lightning strikes again, this time incinerating a plank of wood a foot away from the huddled group.
ANTONIO Indeed, fair maiden.
Antonio pushes Alonso overboard.
Alonso pulls Antonio down after him.
Gonzalo and Sebastian jump after the king.
FERDINAND Father!
Ferdinand jumps down after his dad.
Miranda rolls her eyes (God, boys) and jumps down as well.
The royals all manage to reach the island, clothes ruined and no boat in sight, but alive.
Coming next summer to a theater near you is STRANDED, the tale of their squabbles and attempts to stay alive on the isolated island!